Jus wanna to hold on to u.. When nothing mattered~

✖I don't care what life will be in future!_____I jus wanna to hold u TIGHT close to me!_____✖

Saturday, May 19, 2007result!!!

-Hi all -

Sorry for not updating my blog recently.
I was quite emo this few days reason is very simply is because of my result.
Well, I know I once told u all or even myself that regardless of pass or fail i will still looking forward for the final year exam.I was wondering Am i lying to myself. Maybe i am. I guess it'll feel better if i said that to myself.

Thurday result day,

1st period i gt is my History--- huh? result not bad bahx ...I gt wrote alot halfway haha but anyway i still manage to pass lolx...

2nd period i got my D&T ---Erm...Those who took this paper surprise everybody gt fail...I was darn disappoint because i feel like i'm very useless that even this paper that i have so much confident i still cann be able to pass it. So i went to ask cher about it. He say only 4 people pass cause this only jus the paper haven even added the practical. Which mean I still got hope.So i ask teacher will i be able to pass? He replied which mark is yourS? So i pointed out to him and he told me " sure pass one your paper mark is very near to passing mark which mean I'm one of the person that will passed." So I went bak to my seat and told my friends about it I was so happy ...lolx but those happy doesn't last long.

3rd period i gt back my english ---I was darn disappointed that i was just failed by 3 markx!

4th period i gt bak my math --- Wah! nice one I'm failed! ! From beginning till now my math is always the highest sub among all , yet i still manage to fail good one.. =.=" 9 people passed Out of 36 (cool rite ) 2classes-My class and 3nB- 14 people passed out of 70+ people wow.. bravo!

5th period is those who took F&N but not me lolx....

The rest don't need to say liao i'm fail cool rite!!!!! Only social studies which i came in 1st in class (Wadever! it's still useless no body will Be feeling happy for me not even my family!! )
2 out of 6 subject I'm passed! Hahax the god mux be kidding me for that! I never even got such a fking bloody mid-year result before!! Hw disappointment i am!

I can imagine how my sis going to scold me hw dis encouraging my sis going to say it to me.Now I finally realised , How useless i am just like what my sis said , Hw stupid i am. There no others words to describe hw positive am I. Just feel like ended my without any 2nd thought

-Feeling-

If i'm really ended myself , ppl will say i'm selfish , I'm so silly
But there something i wants to ask them.
Do u all know what I really need now? Everyone is selfish as long as they are human izzit?
Do u all know how discouraging my family is?Do u all understand hw i feel?
If u all know what they said , maybe u all will have the same thought as mine.
I just mainly needed my family support there nothing more I asked more then that!
If they are not supporting me is okay but just don't even use those words to hurt me even deeper.
It's really hurts alot it's make me ' Shen bu ru si ! '
During exam or even the week before I'm tried! I really trying my best to do it but why! Why can't they see that! I just wan them to encourage me .
So what if i really only get top for ss? Will they ' keep it up'? Will they.
There's one things I'm very conform is that THEY WONT!!!
They will say ' So wad? Only get top in ss , it's still useless ...ETC.....'
They Will always look at my NEGATIVE side ! They don't see how much effort i put in they just feel that results tells everything. Yes! most of the people agree with it but sometimes people do put in effort just that they can't able to get what they one reason is because I realised it too late .It's already near to the exam but that all what i can do at that moment , i give my best and that it.Result is like that u all also cannot totally blame me for that ask yourself did U ever encourage me? I can say never! not even once!

I really don't know what will I do when I heard the words that come out from my family. Maybe I will cut my hand till it's bleed and just die or maybe i will run away from home? Let god decide my fate bah! On next fri , If i really survive then thankz god. If i die don't be so sad ,I will watch over u all my frens ^-^
Well...I did think of a positive way to keep me from doing anything stupid & silly is that maybe I will tell myself or even my family ' I will prove it to them that they are wrong ' Well...Does this work? Maybe yes maybe no who knows.
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On that day i got my result i was so surprise that mr chai my history teacher praise me for doing quite good for history haha that time i really veri happy but as i start to think , wad about my family? Will they praise me for improving some sub or will they just simply don't give a darn? I guess even i did improve , they just won't able to see that they will only look at hw useless i am , hw loser i have become.

To them : I'm always the loser , A useless , brainless , So stupid , etc.

Friday!
I didn't goes to sch is because i dream that I and shu wei have a quarrel and hw emo i am . Ever since i got my result i really cannot control my temper and i become so short temper. Haix i really don't know what to do. I don't wan to have any quarrel nor fight with anyone , so inorder to stop it i have to stay far apart from them. Sorry sisters & frens !

Today!
So sian at hm nothing better to do..Trying to let the time pass by faster!!!!

--End off- -
I will die or live
OR
Will i be able to survive through this? Let god to decide for me!!!!

ℂ_There's Still Me_ℙ --Sorry,I'm Not xPerFecTx--

6:03 PM